I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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