the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
