I could make wine with my vomit
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
