We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
