do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I wish there were birth control emojis
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
