I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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