i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
