They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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