when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
