i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
