you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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