after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
