How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
