no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
