I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
