turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
we're making bets on your personal life
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
