Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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