Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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