At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
