We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
