i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
