At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
