no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
40s are totally the cure
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
