Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
