Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
