He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
