4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
she was so not down for the gang bang
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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