I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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