sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
It's just like the Real World with babies
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You need a sexual gate keeper
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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