I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It all started with a game of naked twister.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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