i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
