i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i came on her dog
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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