You really coming over, don't trick.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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