you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
honey bunches of taint.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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