Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i came on her dog
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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