I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
