I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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