at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
