He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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