Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
