OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
