In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
