You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
