her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
