we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
