Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
