Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
