when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize