i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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