dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
