Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
