I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
