Me too!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
