y did u give ur computer a hand job?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
