Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize