i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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