Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
