things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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