Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
