i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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