and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize