The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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