So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
