On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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