Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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