and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
