I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We had to coat check the pizza.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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