dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
