Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
